It only hurts when you think about it…

So I had a busy day, filling out complaints, filling out court papers, researching case after mind numbing case, I even joined LinkedIn, that was exciting as far as resources & networking with people I talk to on a daily basis & some new friends who can help me as well. I got really excited when I seen one connection but realized after the fact that person is directly linked to someone I am having issues with so that was short lived. So it’s quiet now. I’m so tired of the endless forms for the Judicial Commission, the Bar Association, the Human Rights Commission, the Writ of Mandamus, the Motion for Reconsideration, the Dept of Justice, the Marsden Hearing, & the Tort Claim that I want to scream, taking a break, I do this for up to 20 hours a day, so I don’t think about it…

I couldn’t help myself tonight. All I can do is think about my babies. I don’t know where they are, I don’t know if they are safe, I don’t know if they’re sad, or scared, or hungry, or inside & warm. It has been 148 days since I have seen them, I fell asleep for a couple of hours & I dreamed George was laying right next to me with his head on my belly, just the way he slept for the past 2 yrs, & it felt as though Hoki was laid out right across my legs as usual & I swear I could feel Soffie’s soft fur agianst my face… Then I was awakened by a cat meowing outside & in my daze I got up to answer the door & drag Lilly or Taz back in the house, but then I woke up & realized that it was only the neighborhood cat yelling for few scraps, then I cried, & just for a moment I prayed for death but that would be the coward’s way out. So I stared at their pictures for a while, then I went to the pictures of the pit bulls I did manage to get out of that hell hole, & I cried for all the Pitties I can’t save from there. For the pittie puppy that they have probably killed because the person who was trying to pull him is on my witness list, so I probably got him killed by trying to defend myself & my dogs & cat. What a bunch of sick putrid wastes of flesh that could brutalize & murder a dog out of spite, & vengeance, or just for the sheer power & control, to destroy a helpless animal because it was born in the wrong skin… It is the same reason I am going through this you see I was also born in the wrong skin, & evidently haven’t over eaten myself 1/2 to death, as evidenced by this woman’s CONSTANT reference to me as a “Thin Native American Woman” I just can’t figure out what bothers her the most, me being thin or me being Native. My mother & I were talking about all the years she harassed & abused our family & our dogs, & now my mother knows why she was also harassed by this woman. I ran an ad on craigslist & have a list of over 92 minorities she has harassed over the years, which will go to my Tort Claim but it is just amazing that she has been allowed to continue this. I think most people don’t think like this so it’s just hard to fathom. I wouldn’t have caught it myself if an attorney hadn’t read over my case & asked me why it was in all 3 reports she wrote she had to refer to me as thin & Native, then he pointed out to me that NO ONE else had to make this distinction. I hate that city with everything I am, as a child I was beaten daily for being a blanket ass dirty squaw & any other dirty word you could think of, when I was 11 yrs old my twin brother died & on my way to the funeral a group of girls from school pulled me into the bushes off of the trail & stripped me naked, & left me, I still have not been to my brother’s grave site because I was so ashamed I didn’t even go there to say goodbye. My step father beat me so badly that I had to be hospitalized but no one did anything, I even had a nurse tell me when I was 7 yrs old the first time he raped me that no one was going to believe a little spic over a respected white man. I could go on & on about the crap that happened to me, but I moved & I moved on. The saddest part is that these idiots could’ve stopped Ted Bundy years ago, but they wouldn’t even follow up… It is strange what time makes you forget, I thought I had forgotten all of this but all of this has brought it all back, like someone opened the floodgates of my own personal hell. Only this time it is not a baby starving to death, or my brother being left in the river for days til they got around to it, or Pat Slack kicking the crap out of me every day or being beat up, pissed on, spit on, or being tormented, now it is my helpless animals, who did nothing wrong. I just didn’t know that they would pay with their lives for me going up against the stupid shelter. If any more of them are dead I won’t know they won’t even let me have access to get my own vet in to examine them, I haven’t seen them, only the pictures of my poor George after they gutted him & stuck sticky notes all over his heart, liver, intestines & spleen. Is this really real?
4 months & 18 days
21 weeks
148 days
3562 hours

There is no easy way to say it so it sounds better, 1 day away from them is torture.

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